Joke - Disorder in Courts
LogoFusion.com - Creating your perfect logo
  • Back Home
  • New Jokes
  • Top Rated
  • The Index!
  • Newest Media
  • iTube - Hot Videos
  • Submit A Joke
 
Weekly Column by Jason Love

A collection of Standup video shows Cool and Funny T-Shirts This site is part of the Umbrella Duck Network! Our Experts will answer any Question! Try Us!

7 out of 306 answered

 
Charts:

 Best Jokes
 Most Popular
 20 Best Writers
 Best Videos
 Best Flash
 Top Rated Comics

Games:

 Game Portal!

Comics :

 SnapshotsDaily
 Frenetic Wander...Daily
 New Comics

Weekly Columns:

 SoItGoes - Jason Love

Important Links:

 Our Poll Archive
 The Billy-Bob Show
 Forums
 Newest Videos
 Newest Flash Files
 Free Wallpapers
 Happy Tree Friends

Featured:

 UmbrellaDuck.net
 Linkook - Shorter URL's
 Biblical Hebrew Online
 Funny videos
 Learn Hebrew Phrase
 Karma Game

The BB Daily Show
click for the BillyBob daily show.



Categories :

 Blond
 All about sex
 Nature and Pets
 Bars, Pubs and Drunks
 Sports
 Real Life Laws
 Secret Diary
 Real Life Stories
 Special Lists
 Light Bulbs
 Doctors
 Wild-wild West
 Country and Farms
 FAQ and Riddles
 Couples and Family
 Biblical Times
 At Work
 Love!
 Computers
 Insults
 Sick Jokes
 On the Road / In the Air
 Fairy Tales and Angles
 Religion - Christianity
 Religion - Judaism
  All Categories

Disorder in Courts
These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
--------
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
--------
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
W ITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
--------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
--------
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
--------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
--------
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
--------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
--------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
--------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
--------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
--------
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
--------
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
AT TORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
--------
And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor , before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

  was added by HotGod 3 years, 1061 days ago and was read 5,999 times

Please Rate:
Ranked 2.99 out of 5 smilies

Share with Others


More jokes in Special Lists
Random Joke
On her way home a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN
RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms....
Random Joke
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks -
"So, you...
IT's all GEEKZ to me
By Chaz Wood
IT‘s all GEEKZ to me - by Chaz Wood
”The Eternal Mystery“

Stan 'N' Isaac
By Jeff Swenson
Stan n Isaac - by Jeff Swenson
”Sensitive Bones“

bigger is better
”Noha's Ark“


funny comic strip in print
First Cynic Comic Strip
collection now in print.
Buy it now for
below retail.

Statistics
Joke Writers : 6672
Surfer Comments : 4639
Forum Messages : 20
Total Jokes : 16048
Waiting Jokes : 14564

 
Web
2Laugh.com



Add to Google

Add to Netvibes

Bookmark and Share

New Videos
iPad Air 2 Bend Test
Play Video

was viewed 25528 times
(1612 days ago)

Videos
Play Video

was viewed 19280 times
(1681 days ago)

Biggest Snakes in the World! SnakeBytesTV
Play Video

was viewed 21425 times
(1789 days ago)

Mission: Impurrrsible
Play Video

was viewed 16534 times
(1800 days ago)


Videos
Play Video

was viewed 12632 times
(1836 days ago)

Kitten Refuses to Leave Warm Bath!
Play Video

was viewed 15223 times
(2122 days ago)

Star Trek TNG Season 3 Gag Reel
Play Video

was viewed 22845 times
(2151 days ago)